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        • 1. Introduction
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        • 4. Waiting For Answers
        • 5. Midnight Murmurs and Pinky Promises
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        • 8. Quiver
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        • 14. The Storm in Between Separate Sets of Sheets
        • 15. Ruminating on Repeat
        • 16. Starlit Skies Filled with Solemn Sighs
        • 17. What We Knew Is Not What We Know Now
        • 18. These February Nights
        • 19. Conclusion
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Ruminating on Repeat (2012)

​Original Story

February 27, 2016
*Originally written April, 2012*

"Ruminate: To go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly" -Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Just like the last post and the next three, this is essentially a bonus piece.  Another about the aftermath.


It's a piece about that nagging, lingering thought that will never go away.  For several months, all I could think about was how immature I was on my 21st birthday.  No, I didn't get drunk.  Instead, I furthered the gap.

​Like most break-ups in this generation, we can never let sleeping dogs lie.  She and I had texted throughout the summer as I simply wanted answers as to why she didn't see us working out.  I still have never gotten the official answer, but my almost Sherlock Holmesian skills have led me to several pieces of evidence that probably would appear.  I digress...

She had a terrible memory.  It was awful.  She didn't remember the dates of anything important, including my birthday.  (FYI, I don't need Facebook to remind me of hers).  Well, to my surprise, several months after we broke up (and without the help of Facebook as I childishly blocked her),  she texted me Happy Birthday.  Stunned, I let it sink in for a moment.  At least she remembered.  But, instead of being a grown-up about it, I texted back, "Wow, you remembered?  Bravo."  A simple "Thanks" would have sufficed, I feel.

Later in the day, I felt horrible about that answer and texted her back.  We continued talking and it turned into a ridiculous argument.  I was three years old and she was trying her best to be the bigger person.  After I sent obnoxious one word answers and heart emojis, she sent one that read, "This was the greatest summer ever <3!" referring to breaking up with me and not having me be a part of her life anymore.  It also allowed for her to fully enjoy time with her friends and family.  I'm not that conceited to think that I made that big of a mark in her life.  

That was the last text sent between the two of us for at least a year and a half.  I was devastated, but fully deserved it.  To this day, I still believe that.

The reason I bring that story up is because the middle verse, that starts with the line, "I caressed your last words to me..." is a reference to that moment.


Again, the neediness and pathetic nature in this piece shines through.  I can say that now almost four years removed.  The fact of the matter is, at the time, these were as true of words as could be conjured.

​Just never had the dust pan to sweep it all up.

​Without further adieu:

Ruminating on Repeat

Take time to 
Take comfort in the small things.
Those hairs that used to stick up
On your arms will fall down one day
And once they do, 
It seems that it takes much more
And much longer for them to stand back up again.

I hope you see me in your sleep
And can’t get through one night
Without at least four shots of me.
Four shots of me.
I pray my name swims in your mind,
Laying on the surface and 
Extending to the deepest recesses
Like yours does within mine.
I think it’s only fair.

I caressed your last words to me
With the subtlty of the backhanded compliment
That escaped from your fingers and popped up through my screen.
I hold on to the memories to make me feel,
Even though I am numb to everyone else,
There is still a part of me that beats for you.

I write your name so many times so I don’t lose you.
I feel you slowly slipping away and I don’t want to lose you.
I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you.
I feel our memories beginning to blur
And I don’t want to lose them.

Call me scared, I consider myself complacent
Knowing that perfection once existed;
Was once in my grasp.
We are broken now 
And you won’t let me pick up the pieces

To fix this.
To fix us.
To fix me.
To fix me.
To fix me.

​-end-
14. The Storm in Between Separate Sets of Sheets
16. Starlit Skies Filled with Solemn Sighs

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  • Home
  • My Books
    • Rest Easy, My Pounding Heart
  • About
    • Book Update
    • Taking a Powder
  • Sports
    • NHL >
      • The Pensimist Podcast
      • Pittsburgh Penguins >
        • 2018 Pittsburgh Penguins Trade Deadline Projections
        • Pittsburgh Penguins 2016 Off-Season Blog
        • 2016 Penguins Trade Deadline
        • 2015 Pittsburgh Penguins Offseason
        • Pens Interested in Kessel?
        • The Magnificent Malkin Drama
        • Reaction to Pens Trade Deadline Acquisitions
        • Penguins Lose Dupuis For Six Months
        • Pens, Fleury Agree to Four Year Extension
        • Penguins Training Camp Thoughts
        • A Look At Potential Penguins Lines
        • New Penguins, New Numbers
        • Penguins Sign Steve Downie
        • Penguins Head Coach, Free Agency, Trade Updates
        • Penguins Head Coaching Prospects
        • Penguins Free Agent Wishlist
        • Penguins New Look...So Far
        • Pens New GM, Neal Wants Out?, WBS to Game 6
        • Shero out as Pens GM; More Change to Come
        • Pittsburgh Penguins: What's Wrong?
      • Game Reviews/Recaps >
        • 2014-15 Game Reviews >
          • PENGUINS, JOHNSTON WIN FIRST GAME OF SEASON
          • PENGUINS SURGE PAST MAPLE LEAFS
          • STARS OUT IN FORCE, DEFEAT PENGUINS
          • PENGUINS DOWN UNDEFEATED ISLANDERS
          • FLYERS FLY PAST PENGUINS
          • LATE SURGE PUSHES WINGS PAST PENGUINS
          • FLOWER BLOOMS AGAINST PREDATORS
          • COLD START LEADS TO HOT FINISH: PENS ROMP 8-3
          • PENGUINS BLANK DEFENDING CHAMPS
          • PENGUINS SWEEP HOMESTAND
          • PENS RUN WILD OVER MINNESOTA
          • SHOOTOUT IN WINNIPEG FAVORS PENGUINS
          • CROSBY, PENS CRUISE TO SEVEN STRAIGHT
          • RANGERS END MULTIPLE STREAKS IN 5-0 DRUBBING OF PENGUINS
          • PENS CLOSE OUT ROAD TRIP WITH TOUGH FOUGHT WIN
          • UNUSUAL FINISH GIVES PENGUINS THE REDEMPTION WIN
          • BENNETT, FLEURY LEAD PENS OVER CANADIENS
          • OKPOSO, ISLANDERS WIN SHOOTOUT OVER PENGUINS
          • ISLANDERS SWEEP HOME AND HOME SERIES
          • FLOWER PICKS UP FIFTH SHUTOUT WIN VERSUS RIVAL DEVILS
          • ORPIK, NISKANEN HAUNT PENGUINS IN RETURN
          • PENGUINS END 2014 WITH NEEDED VICTORY
          • CROSBY'S OT WINNER PUSHES PENGUINS PAST HABS
        • 2014-15 Game Recaps >
          • Game 1: Anaheim Ducks vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 2: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Toronto Maple Leafs
          • Game 3: Dallas Stars vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 4: New York Islanders vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 5: Philadelphia Flyers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 6: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Detroit Red Wings
          • Game 7: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Nashville Predators
          • Game 8: New Jersey Devils vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 9- Los Angeles Kings vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 10: Buffalo Sabres vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 11: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Minnesota Wild
          • Game 12: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Winnipeg Jets
          • Game 13: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Buffalo Sabres
          • Game 14: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. New York Rangers
          • Game 15: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Toronto Maple Leafs
          • Game 16: New York Rangers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 17: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Montreal Canadiens
          • Game 18: New York Islanders vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 19: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. New York Islanders
          • Game 24: New Jersey Devils vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 35- Washington Capitals vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 37- Carolina Hurricanes vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
          • Game 41: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Montreal Canadiens
      • Fantasy Hockey Team #1- The Last of Us
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        • WWE Royal Rumble
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      • 2014 PPV Predictions >
        • WWE Survivor Series Predictions
        • WWE Hell In A Cell Predictions
        • WWE Night of Champions Predictions
        • WWE SummerSlam Predictions
        • WWE Battleground Predictions
        • WWE Money In The Bank Predictions
        • WWE Payback Predictions
      • The Shield >
        • Dean Ambrose- Best in the World?
        • R.I.P. The Shield
        • Dean Ambrose
        • Believe In The Shield
      • Wrestling Articles >
        • Macho Madness: Randy Savage's Long Overdue Induction
        • NXT R Evolution Predictions
        • Fantasy Booking Kevin Owens Debut
        • Sting Strikes at Survivor Series
        • Let the Madness Begin: Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt
        • Knockouts Outshine Divas
        • The Wyatt Family and What's Next...
        • Main Event and Smackdown Spoilers- September 9, 2014
        • Brock Lesnar: How Will He Be Booked?
        • "Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman" DVD Review
        • Brian Pillman: Loose Cannon
        • What's Wrong with WWE Countdown
  • TV
    • TV on Netflix >
      • Your Lie in April
      • Low Winter Sun- Netflix Binge
      • Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp- Netflix Binge
      • The Killing- Netflix Binge
      • The Red Road- Netflix Binge
      • Flashpoint- Netflix Binge
      • Archer- Netflix Binge
      • The 100- Netflix Binge Watch
      • Mixology- Netflix Binge Watch
      • The Spoils of Babylon Review
      • Boss on Netflix
      • Baby Daddy- Netflix Binge Watch
      • Sons of Anarchy- Netflix Binge Watch
    • We're on in 3, 2, 1...Welcome to Sports Night
    • Hidden Gem- Hidden Palms
    • The Day I Met Austin St. John
    • Mountain Monsters
  • Film
    • Netflix Pix >
      • They Look Like People
      • Queen of Earth
      • Toad Road
      • Compliance
      • Motivation 2: The Chris Cole Story
      • If I Stay
      • They Came Together
      • Wet Hot American Summer
      • Three Night Stand
      • Rich Hill
      • Save The Date
      • Live at The Foxes Den
      • Wish You Were Here
      • Goon
      • Liberal Arts
      • Dragonfyre
      • Jugface
      • Adore
      • Forgetting the Girl
      • Awful Nice
      • Grand Piano
      • The Dirties
      • We Are What We Are
      • A Teacher
      • The Lifeguard
    • Reviews >
      • The Dust Storm
      • Bokeh
      • Something Real and Good
      • Nightcrawler
      • The Lonliest Planet
      • The Skeleton Twins
      • Girl Most Likely
      • Bad Turn Worse
      • Starry Eyes
      • Mean Creek
      • White Bird in a Blizzard
      • Come Back To Me
      • The Don Cherry Story
      • Breathe In
      • Bridgend
      • Silent House
      • Not Waving, But Drowning
      • The Sacrament
      • After The Dark
      • Blue Ruin
      • BENT
      • Sharknado 2
      • Carrie
      • Brick
    • Back To Action? New Power Rangers Film
    • "Where Does He Go At Night?" Donnie Darko
  • Music
    • Top 10 >
      • Top 10- Ligeia Songs
      • Top 10- The Saddest Landscape Songs
      • Top 10- Emmure Songs
    • Reviews >
      • Classic CD's >
        • Classic CD- Chevelle "Wonder What's Next"
        • Classic CD- The Modern Day Saint ...And Tomorrow We Will Have Nothing
        • Classic CD- Emmure "Goodbye to the Gallows"
        • Classic CD- The Fray "How to Save a Life"
        • Classic CD- The Saddest Landscape "All is Apologized For. All is Forgiven"
        • Classic CD- Ligeia "Your Ghost Is A Gift"
      • Slaves- Routine Breathing
      • Angus and Julia Stone- Angus and Julia Stone
      • We Came As Romans- We Came As Romans
      • Pianos Become The Teeth- Keep You
      • Keyes- Wandermere
      • Heart In Hand- A Beautiful White
      • Slaves- Through Art We Are All Equals
      • Volumes- No Sleep
      • La Dispute- Wildlife
      • Pianos Become The Teeth- The Lack Long After
      • Heart in Hand- Only Memories
      • Emmure- Eternal Enemies
  • Personal
    • Lyrics >
      • To Madison (Kirsti)
      • On That Wintry Night
      • The Slumbering Tongue
      • Room 147
      • Illusion of Night
      • "I Never Thought I'd Catch A Writer With No Words"
      • Delay
      • The Ballad of Brendan Wayne and Mikela Austen
      • Roam
    • Stories >
      • ...And It's like We Never Existed >
        • 1. Introduction
        • 2. Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 1
        • 3. Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 2
        • 4. Waiting For Answers
        • 5. Midnight Murmurs and Pinky Promises
        • 6. Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 3
        • 7. To Madison (Kirsti)
        • 8. Quiver
        • 9. Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 4
        • 10. Running in Circles from the Squares
        • 11. Foundations
        • 12. Carlisle Nights
        • 13. Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 5
        • 14. The Storm in Between Separate Sets of Sheets
        • 15. Ruminating on Repeat
        • 16. Starlit Skies Filled with Solemn Sighs
        • 17. What We Knew Is Not What We Know Now
        • 18. These February Nights
        • 19. Conclusion
  • Contact