Ruminating on Repeat (2012)
Original Story
February 27, 2016
*Originally written April, 2012*
"Ruminate: To go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly" -Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Just like the last post and the next three, this is essentially a bonus piece. Another about the aftermath.
It's a piece about that nagging, lingering thought that will never go away. For several months, all I could think about was how immature I was on my 21st birthday. No, I didn't get drunk. Instead, I furthered the gap.
Like most break-ups in this generation, we can never let sleeping dogs lie. She and I had texted throughout the summer as I simply wanted answers as to why she didn't see us working out. I still have never gotten the official answer, but my almost Sherlock Holmesian skills have led me to several pieces of evidence that probably would appear. I digress...
She had a terrible memory. It was awful. She didn't remember the dates of anything important, including my birthday. (FYI, I don't need Facebook to remind me of hers). Well, to my surprise, several months after we broke up (and without the help of Facebook as I childishly blocked her), she texted me Happy Birthday. Stunned, I let it sink in for a moment. At least she remembered. But, instead of being a grown-up about it, I texted back, "Wow, you remembered? Bravo." A simple "Thanks" would have sufficed, I feel.
Later in the day, I felt horrible about that answer and texted her back. We continued talking and it turned into a ridiculous argument. I was three years old and she was trying her best to be the bigger person. After I sent obnoxious one word answers and heart emojis, she sent one that read, "This was the greatest summer ever <3!" referring to breaking up with me and not having me be a part of her life anymore. It also allowed for her to fully enjoy time with her friends and family. I'm not that conceited to think that I made that big of a mark in her life.
That was the last text sent between the two of us for at least a year and a half. I was devastated, but fully deserved it. To this day, I still believe that.
The reason I bring that story up is because the middle verse, that starts with the line, "I caressed your last words to me..." is a reference to that moment.
Again, the neediness and pathetic nature in this piece shines through. I can say that now almost four years removed. The fact of the matter is, at the time, these were as true of words as could be conjured.
Just never had the dust pan to sweep it all up.
Without further adieu:
*Originally written April, 2012*
"Ruminate: To go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly" -Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Just like the last post and the next three, this is essentially a bonus piece. Another about the aftermath.
It's a piece about that nagging, lingering thought that will never go away. For several months, all I could think about was how immature I was on my 21st birthday. No, I didn't get drunk. Instead, I furthered the gap.
Like most break-ups in this generation, we can never let sleeping dogs lie. She and I had texted throughout the summer as I simply wanted answers as to why she didn't see us working out. I still have never gotten the official answer, but my almost Sherlock Holmesian skills have led me to several pieces of evidence that probably would appear. I digress...
She had a terrible memory. It was awful. She didn't remember the dates of anything important, including my birthday. (FYI, I don't need Facebook to remind me of hers). Well, to my surprise, several months after we broke up (and without the help of Facebook as I childishly blocked her), she texted me Happy Birthday. Stunned, I let it sink in for a moment. At least she remembered. But, instead of being a grown-up about it, I texted back, "Wow, you remembered? Bravo." A simple "Thanks" would have sufficed, I feel.
Later in the day, I felt horrible about that answer and texted her back. We continued talking and it turned into a ridiculous argument. I was three years old and she was trying her best to be the bigger person. After I sent obnoxious one word answers and heart emojis, she sent one that read, "This was the greatest summer ever <3!" referring to breaking up with me and not having me be a part of her life anymore. It also allowed for her to fully enjoy time with her friends and family. I'm not that conceited to think that I made that big of a mark in her life.
That was the last text sent between the two of us for at least a year and a half. I was devastated, but fully deserved it. To this day, I still believe that.
The reason I bring that story up is because the middle verse, that starts with the line, "I caressed your last words to me..." is a reference to that moment.
Again, the neediness and pathetic nature in this piece shines through. I can say that now almost four years removed. The fact of the matter is, at the time, these were as true of words as could be conjured.
Just never had the dust pan to sweep it all up.
Without further adieu:
Ruminating on Repeat
Take time to
Take comfort in the small things.
Those hairs that used to stick up
On your arms will fall down one day
And once they do,
It seems that it takes much more
And much longer for them to stand back up again.
I hope you see me in your sleep
And can’t get through one night
Without at least four shots of me.
Four shots of me.
I pray my name swims in your mind,
Laying on the surface and
Extending to the deepest recesses
Like yours does within mine.
I think it’s only fair.
I caressed your last words to me
With the subtlty of the backhanded compliment
That escaped from your fingers and popped up through my screen.
I hold on to the memories to make me feel,
Even though I am numb to everyone else,
There is still a part of me that beats for you.
I write your name so many times so I don’t lose you.
I feel you slowly slipping away and I don’t want to lose you.
I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you.
I feel our memories beginning to blur
And I don’t want to lose them.
Call me scared, I consider myself complacent
Knowing that perfection once existed;
Was once in my grasp.
We are broken now
And you won’t let me pick up the pieces
To fix this.
To fix us.
To fix me.
To fix me.
To fix me.
-end-
Take comfort in the small things.
Those hairs that used to stick up
On your arms will fall down one day
And once they do,
It seems that it takes much more
And much longer for them to stand back up again.
I hope you see me in your sleep
And can’t get through one night
Without at least four shots of me.
Four shots of me.
I pray my name swims in your mind,
Laying on the surface and
Extending to the deepest recesses
Like yours does within mine.
I think it’s only fair.
I caressed your last words to me
With the subtlty of the backhanded compliment
That escaped from your fingers and popped up through my screen.
I hold on to the memories to make me feel,
Even though I am numb to everyone else,
There is still a part of me that beats for you.
I write your name so many times so I don’t lose you.
I feel you slowly slipping away and I don’t want to lose you.
I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you.
I feel our memories beginning to blur
And I don’t want to lose them.
Call me scared, I consider myself complacent
Knowing that perfection once existed;
Was once in my grasp.
We are broken now
And you won’t let me pick up the pieces
To fix this.
To fix us.
To fix me.
To fix me.
To fix me.
-end-
