Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 4 (2012)

​Original Story

February 27, 2016
*Originally written in February, 2012*

Closing in on the final chapter of the "Rest Easy My Pounding Heart" series, we reach the female's monologue.  Again, going back to part three, this continues the downward cycle and really pushes the boulder downhill to gain momentum.

Told from the female's point of view, it completely contradicts the man's in part two.  His was filled with hope and vigor and dreams while hers is more grounded, solemn, and filled with harsh truth.  Hers tells the other side of the coin; the doubt.  While the male piece was delivered with confidence and commitment, hers is lined with insecurity and lack of reciprocating feelings.

How it ties in with my story is that essentially it is a much more detailed narrative of conversations she and I used to have towards the end of our relationship.  I was always trying to look forward and was blind to the obvious signs of hesitancy being presented.  As much as I claim that I was forecasting, she foreshadowed.  She had called our end months beforehand, but I was attempting to live in the moment and not focus on her warnings, because truth be told, I was filled with ignorance at the time.

We're all young at one time in our lives.

To sum this all up:  She was never as committed as I was, but she was more true to herself and more honest to me and herself than I was to myself.  Hindsight being what it is, I can appreciate that she was trying not to hurt me by telling me that things probably weren't going to end to well.  It's taken years to swallow that pill, but it's been gulped down.

Without further adieu:

Rest Easy My Pounding Heart, Pt. 4

She said,
“And baby, 
I don’t know if I’m coming
Back home tonight.
I can’t keep arguing
And bickering through
Petty fights
About love and
What it entails.

We live within
A foolish shade of gray.
Compromise does not look promising
No matter how hard I hope.

And baby,
I don’t know if we’ll find
What we need within one another.
I pray my fucking hardest
That I’ll catch up to where you are
But running in staggered circles,
We may have already had our
Lone moment of complete togetherness.

We live within
A foolish shade of gray.
Compromise does not look promising
No matter how hard I hope.

And baby,
I just don’t know
If what we have is
Fair to either one of us.
You’re looking for something
I’m trying to hide from
And I can’t let you
Suffer from being a part of my fears.”

“What are we?” I asked solemnly.
“I don’t know,” she gasped.
“What am I to you?” I forced out in a whisper.
“I just don’t know,” she barely breathed.

​-end-

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